Looking over the stats on my blog posts from last month, my Valentine's Day post about my prayer for my future husband was by far the most popular post of the month. And of all the posts I have written on this blog yet. Seems like a lot of people are interested in this topic, which is why I included the words "future husband" in this blog post. :)
Well, I would like to know who he is right about now. For a very important reason: despite being single this Valentine's Day, I got more candy and chocolate and dessert than I know what to do with. (And I'm grateful for the love for this single girl!) But it's March 7th and I still have so much left. It's ridiculous. I need a boyfriend to help me eat it all!
Anyway, my surplus of dark chocolate and cake is not the message of this post. I want to share a little about what I hope my future husband sees when he looks at me and why that matters. Here goes:
In today's culture, a major focus for young women is to try to be as beautiful as possible. Then, the challenge becomes staying as young and beautiful for as long as possible. We are constantly bombarded with messages telling us to have perfect skin, hair, teeth, nails, and clothes - and all the products which will finally make us beautiful, which will then finally make us worthy.
I don't think these messages are inherently bad, but certainly play on our emotions, making us feel insecure or inadequate. I'm not against nice things and looking our best. I love getting dressed up and one of my favorite things to do each week is getting my nails done.
I like to look my best because I want to represent Christ well, represent myself well, and reflect the beauty God has put inside of me on the outside - in my clothing, my make-up, my eyes, my smile, the way I carry myself.
Yet I think a lot of times, we can put too much emphasize on our outer beauty, which is never as important as our inner beauty. We often spend so much time on our outer appearance, but what about our heart?
Jesus spoke a lot about the condition of our hearts. He taught that everything we do - whether good or evil- comes from our hearts. Jesus spent a lot of time addressing the heart because the state of our hearts determines the fruit our lives will bear - the ultimate legacy of our existence.
I don't know about you, but I want to leave more than a pretty face in a photograph for my great-great grandkids to see one day. I don't want to be just remembered as a woman who dressed beautifully or fashionably, but as woman of God who served Christ, followed Him, and dedicated her life to becoming more like Him through the power of His Holy Spirit. I don't want to be remembered just for my external qualities, but for my hopes, dreams, character, compassion, and most of all - my love for God and for people.
Right now, I'm at the age when people really start getting serious about relationships and commitment, marriage and forever. It's interesting because I've always imagined I would one day be here, but it seems like it arrived all of a sudden. (Wasn't I just 16? Wait, that was ten years ago!) Friends are getting married (many from college already have) and having babies and I'm starting to realize that I'm closer to marriage and motherhood than I ever have been in my life.
It's exciting and everything for sure, but as well-meaning friends and family give me advice for how to meet the right guy, I can't help but pray with all of my heart he doesn't see just a pretty face, but the beauty in my heart. I don't just want to attract my future husband with how I look, but with who I am. I want him to think that I am beautiful, stunning, gorgeous...but if that's what truly captivates him about me, I'm in trouble.
Because if I win him with my looks, I'll have to keep him with my looks. And there's always going to be someone else younger, prettier, and more beautiful than me. (Fact of life). So if that's the basis for our attraction, that's really shallow soil for a relationship to grow.
(And it goes both ways by the way - I don't just want to like how he looks on the outside, but who he is on the inside.)
What do I hope my future husband sees when he looks at me? I pray that he is captivated by my beauty within - the beauty of Jesus Christ's life inside of me. That he sees the love of God in me and is drawn to the totality of who I am - my appearance, my personality, my faith in God, my hopes and dreams altogether - the best soil for our marriage to grow and flourish.
A lot of my friends talk about meeting Mr. Future Husband and we try to keep each us other accountable. We ask each other questions like, What are you using to get his attention? Are you using your looks or allowing him to see into your heart? Are you drawing him closer to yourself or inspiring him to draw closer and closer to God? What will last? What brings the most glory to God?
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." -Proverbs 31:30, NIV
I love how this verse from Proverbs 31 is so honest. It doesn't hold anything back: #1: Charm is deceptive and #2 Beauty is fleeting. Winning someone else's heart through charm is like ensnaring them - it's deception. It's presenting one image, but not the complete picture. It's false because it's not all true. Beauty - outer beauty - is not something that lasts. No moisturizer or foundation can make a 20-year-old look the same way until she is 80. The beauty we see on fashion magazines today is gone tomorrow; it doesn't last forever. (So why do we act like it will?)
But what's hopeful about all of this is that when we fear the Lord, we will be praised. Not for our personality or our beauty, but because we obey and honor the Lord. This should be the reason why people praise us and compliment us - not just on our sparkly manicure or nice hairstyle or cute shoes - but because we are living set apart for the Lord. That's what should get people's attention.
As women following Jesus Christ, we have an incredible opportunity to show this world what true beauty looks like - not what everyone sees on People magazine, but the truest beauty of all - a life completely surrendered to Jesus. A beauty that doesn't need to show everything and values modesty. A beauty from the inside out - which doesn't neglect either - but puts greatest emphasis on the heart. A beauty that glorifies God through purity and gentleness and kindness. A beauty that makes this world see the light of Christ and the love of God. A beauty that inspires others to know God and follow Jesus.
The more I walk with Christ, the more He makes me beautiful - both inside and out. He has made me beautiful and any beauty I have is from Him.
I pray that this is what my future husband sees when he looks at me.