Running to Him

Hey, friends!

I pray this post finds you well and that you are seeing God’s beautiful purposes for you in this season. As our world endures this global pandemic, I pray that it’s a time we can choose to run to God and not to anything else.

I imagine we’ve all had seasons in our lives where we’ve run to everything else except God to save us. We’ve cried out to our idols - all those things and people that we lift up our souls to instead of God. During this time of quarantine, I’ve been completing a Bible study and it’s been about the Israelites’s unfaithfulness to the Lord in the wilderness. Frustrated with His timing, they created a golden calf - as if something they had made with their very own hands could save them.

We often try to distance ourselves from the Israelites, imagining that we ourselves could never be so foolish or forgetful. Hadn’t they just seen God’s great power at the Red Sea? Didn’t all of their enemies drown before their eyes because God was with them? Had not they carried off the wealth of Egypt with them and been freed from horrible bondage and miserable captivity? Did God not show His love and faithfulness to care, fight for, and provide for them?

How could they forget what God did? How could they settle for a graven image in place of the one true God?

In context of the whole story, their blatant idolatry seems utterly ridiculous. But we have to remind ourselves that they didn’t see the whole story like we do. The Promised Land was not a place to read about in the Bible; for them, it was a place based only on the Word of God. Getting there would require one step of faith after another. That was the only way.

We are just like the Israelites. How many times have we sought salvation and refuge in someone or something other than Jesus? How often have we run to anyone or anything else to save us? How many times have we forgotten how God has saved us, delivered us, and loved us in the past? All of us have!

Why do we do this? Why do we run to other things when we know deep in our hearts that Jesus alone can save us?

I believe it’s because we think He can save us, but we’re not as convinced that He can satisfy us and we doubt His plans for us. We believe He died for us, but we’re not absolutely confident about His care for our daily life. We look at our circumstances and they don’t look how we want them to look, so we question Him. That’s exactly what the Israelites did - they looked at the wilderness and God’s timing and thought, “This doesn’t look like a Promised Land!” They refused to trust Him and instead, leaned on their own understanding. Psalm 106 describes the fruit of their distrust - “leanness of soul.” They believed that they knew what was best. They looked at life through natural eyes and not through the eyes of FAITH.

Friends, the biggest storms in my life were not from unexpected circumstances rocking my life. The biggest storms in my life have come when in response to a storm I chose to lean on my own understanding instead of trusting God. And the best turn-arounds I’ve lived through have all come when I responded with faith in God instead of reliance on myself or anything else.

Friends, I’m writing this with so much love and compassion. If my words convict, know that I can only write them because I have lived them out. I’ve been just like an Israelite at times questioning God’s ways and crying out to other things to save me and give my life meaning. And I promise you, living like this only brings more pain and brokenness. It makes the stormy seasons worse.

God’s ways and His thoughts are HIGHER than ours. His plans are more than anything we could ask, think, or imagine. His plans for your life are for a hope and for a future.

Everything about your circumstances might be screaming at you to believe otherwise, but that’s why we need Christ. We need Jesus to give us faith to believe that God’s heart towards us is always and only good - even when it doesn’t seem like it. Faith in God is not based on our feelings or circumstances, but the never-changing Word of God!

After 40 years of wandering, the Israelites finally reached the Promised Land. As they crossed the Jordan River, parted for them by the power of God, they retrieved 12 stones from the river. At Gilgal, they set up the stones as a remembrance of what God had done for them. There God called them to consecrate themselves and rededicate themselves to Him. It was a powerful and pivotal moment in their history. They were actively walking away from idolatry and unbelief and purposing to walk in faith and obedience. God rolled away the reproach and shame of their idolatry, rebellion, and sin. He gave them a fresh start as they began life in the Promised Land.

What have you been running to in this quarantine? If it’s anything or anyone other than Jesus, it will not save you. It will not heal you. It does not have the power to restore you. I promise you this.

I pray that our eyes are opened to the majesty of Jesus - for when we truly behold Him, we are changed. When you look at Jesus, when you see how He has forgiven you, when you look at how He has redeemed you, when you put your trust in Him to save you - you will be forever CHANGED. Jesus does not condemn you; He welcomes you. He proved His love for you at the cross. If you ever doubt His love or forgiveness, stare at the cross. He did that for you. In your brokenness, in your rebellion, in your sin - He died while we were still messed up. Read Romans 5:8. You are LOVED!

I pray that this is a time of re-dedication. A Gilgal for all of us. A set apart time of running after God with all of our hearts, of remembrance of His faithfulness, of re-imagining the future from here on out - one of walking by faith, not by sight; of walking in trust and reliance on God and God alone. It’s time to be bold and confident in the Lord. He is with us in this and we are never alone!

God is the pursuer of our hearts. Whether you know it or not, He is pursuing you and will never stop. He sees you, friend. He sees your joys and your tears. He knows your struggles and your fears. The things you share with no one else, He knows. He’s seen your sins and your failures. And He loves you. He wants to redeem you from all of your sins and restore the joy of your salvation. Run to Him. Run back to Him. He’s always been running to you. With open arms and with a love so deep and long and high and wide that will bring your soul back to LIFE.

I usually always end my posts with a prayer and a song. Pray and worship with me if you would like!

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank You for Your love for me. I acknowledge that I’ve run to other things and other people to save me. I’ve created idols in my efforts for self-preservation and for peace. I repent of my sins and believe that because of the blood of Jesus, I am forgiven and free forever! Turn my heart away from worthless idols and to You, my God and my Savior. Let my soul behold You like never before; Let me stand in awe of You! Thank You for Your grace when I fall and Your power to restore my soul. I believe You will use even my mistakes for Your glory, honor, and praise. You redeem all.

Thank You for drawing my heart to Yours and healing me. Thank You for always chasing my heart. Thank You for satisfying my heart with Your love. I rededicate myself to You. I choose to trust in You and Your ways - even though they are so different than mine. I reject my own understanding and ask for Your wisdom. I believe You are good and that You have good plans for me through it all.

Empower me to live through this quarantine according to Your will; I want You more than I want this to end. I want You more than anything. Your love is better than life and my soul praises You! I love You, Lord. Thank You for loving me forever. In the mighty, beautiful, and powerful Name of Jesus I pray, Amen.

5 reasons why turning 30 is awesome

Hey, friends!

The last time I posted on here I was a twenty-something and now I’m 30! Almost thirty and a half, to be exact. (Anyone else get excited about their half-birthday?! Maybe it’s because I teach Kindergarten. In Kindergarten-land, five and a half is SO much older than 5!)

I’m on here to encourage anyone in their twenties who is closing in on 30. I’ll admit I was totally nervous about turning the “big 3-0” last October. And celebrating such a milestone birthday without a husband or a little one was not something 20-year-old Colleen could ever have imagined or planned. Or wanted.

Yet God never promised me that my life would work out according to my plans (or my time table, to be more specific!), but that He would fulfill His purposes for me. HIS purposes. HIS being the key word here. (It took me a good part of my twenties to really get that).

I would like to share five reasons why turning 30 is awesome when you trust Jesus.

I pray this is an encouragement to you!

Let’s begin!

1.) You care a lot less about what other people think.

Okay, okay. It’s not like the clock strikes midnight on your last night of being 29 and suddenly now that you’re 30, you are instantly more confident. It’s just the fact that leaving your twenties gives you a unique perspective you could never have had as a twenty-something.

I think a lot of times your twenties can be a decade of feeling like you have to prove yourself. Over and over and over again. You’re applying to college and trying to prove you’ll be awesome at college. But you’ve never done college before. Then you graduate, and you’re applying to jobs of which you have limited experience and you’re trying to prove that you’re the one for the position. And you’ve never had a full-time job in that field yet. You go back to grad school and now you’re trying to prove that you can juggle career and school at the same time. It can be super challenging and exhausting.

I’d like to tell you that I soared above all of this in my twenties and was super confident in everything I did. That’s not the case. But when I look back on my twenties, all of the times where I felt super confident and hopeful about life - every single time was when I was standing on God’s Word and believing what He said about me more than what the world said or what I thought about myself.

One of my favorite memories from my twenties is memorizing and praying a passage from Psalms right before my first teaching interview after college. I was 24. I aced the interview and got the job. It was amazing! And I’ve never forgotten how it felt like God helped me get that position which has since served as a stepping-stone to so much more than I could have seen back then.

But there’s also moments when I lived in fear and let the “what if’s” scare me away from amazing opportunities to live a braver story.

Turning 30 and looking back on my years made me see that choosing the brave choice is better than choosing the “safe” choice. A “safe” choice in my twenties might have been caring too much about what other people think and trying to please everyone and make everyone happy - an impossibility I would have readily confessed to you, but something I honestly still strived for. It’s become crystal clear that my purpose never was to please people from a place of fear, but to love people from a place of fearless vulnerability and courage.

And when you really think about it, loving people is a lot more fun, meaningful, and in line with the heart of Jesus than caring about what people think.

2.) You celebrate your own story more.

After three decades of journeying with yourself, with the help of Jesus, you begin to really celebrate this story that He’s given to you and this world. The story of your life. No one else in this entire world looks like you, has the same hopes and dreams, shares your exact cultural and personal history. You are a masterpiece to God and altogether lovely to Him.

This is more than just bolstering your own self-esteem with good thoughts and mantras. This is the deep realization that God created your life, wills you to exist, and has good works for you to do here on this earth. He could have not created you, but He did! He did! Isn’t that amazing?! (Seriously, stop and take a moment and think about that!)

And celebrating what God has done in creating your life is a beautiful place to be. Because then you can jump into the mystery! Which means that my story doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s and I don’t need all the answers to the questions I have. God’s timing in my life is not going to match anyone else’s. Many people I know are already married with kids by 30, but that’s not everyone’s story. I earned a Master’s degree by the time I turned 29. That’s not everyone’s story either.

I could focus on what I still pray for - marriage and motherhood - or I could celebrate what God has done so far in my story and that by His grace alone, it’s not over yet! The story continues on and the same faithful God who saw me through every single day of my twenties will be here in my thirties.

My goal is to not get in His way with my striving, worrying, and trying to take control. This does not mean I’m passive. But believe you me, I’ve learned to fall on my face and pray for His will to be done after demanding my will many times, getting it, and as my Dad would say, “learning the hard way.”

What’s amazing about God is that He will let you learn the hard way, forgive you, and pick up with you every single time. However, submitting to His will the first time and yielding to Him when you can’t see or understand why, is the best road to walk. I’ve learned to pray: “Holy Spirit, Enable me to follow Your still, small voice at all times and in all things. I want God’s will in all areas of my life, not mine.”

3.) You’re freer.

Twenty-five years ago this spring, I gave my heart to Jesus as a five year old little girl. It’s so awe-inspiring to me to think that Jesus captured my heart when I was so young and that He’s been the Lord and Savior of my life for a quarter of a century now. Wow! I’ve never regretted following Him and I shudder - I seriously shudder - to think of where my life would be if I had not trusted Him to be my Lord and Savior.

The longer you walk with Jesus, the deeper you get with Him. He brings up things in your heart to deal with and heals the brokenness inside of you even you didn’t know was there. He seeks greater and greater freedom for you with each passing year of your life. Jesus will never keep you at status quo or where you are. Living for Him is a constant perfecting in the hands of the Master Potter. It’s painful at times, but any suffering He allows you to walk through is ultimately for your greatest good and His greatest glory.

When I say that you’re freer, I say it with condition. You can reach 30 and not experience this at all - if you reach 30 without Christ. Sure, you could be more sure of yourself and mature, but only Jesus can bring true freedom into someone’s life.

In recent years, Jesus set my heart free from legalism. I grew up as the “good girl” and all I wanted to do was follow Jesus and please Him. Somewhere along the line, I ended up thinking that meant I had to be perfect and that my righteousness was dependent on what I did and my works. I relied on my own good choices as if I needed to earn something or prove something to God. How this must have broken His heart! Jesus came to me when my life was in pieces and showed me that all along it was never about what I did, but all about what He had finished on the cross. I’m still wrecked - in the best way - by what Jesus taught me in that season. My worth was never dependent on my ability to hold everything together and be the “good girl.” Christ decided my worth more than 2,000 years ago on the cross when He died for me. I am worth dying for and because of His sacrifice, I don’t have to earn a right relationship with God. Jesus paid it all!

I share all of this because of something I believe with all of my heart: When we are free, we live like Jesus. He’s working on our heart so that we can reach more people with His love and Truth. Friends, let Him do His work. Let Him free you from anything untrue. Let Him love you to wholeness. Let Him, let Him, let Him.

4.) You’ve spent time developing your skills and passions.

Along with greater skills you’ve developed in the workplace over the course of your twenties, you’ve also spent time honing your passions by the time you reach 30. In other words, you have well-developed talents to share with others now in ways you couldn’t have at age 20.

For me, that’s cooking and baking. I remember going through a stretch in my twenties of frozen meal after frozen meal. I eventually decided that I needed to invest more in enjoying the process of preparing food. The summer I was 26, I cooked my way through an entire cookbook and learned so much. I remember making everything from blueberry crisp to ristotto to steak au poivre to chicken enchiladas to bacon-wrapped dates to dark chocolate sea salt toffee. I loved every minute and beside the fresh ingredients, I only needed to buy a cast iron skillet and a candy thermometer. I already had everything else in my kitchen to make all the recipes!

My cooking skills unexpectedly were such a tremendous blessing in grad school, especially the semester I completed student-teaching. My days started before the school bell rang each morning and didn’t end until around 9:00pm when I completed my grad school classes four nights a week. I have seriously never, ever been busier in my life than I was that season! Every Sunday afternoon/evening, I would meal prep all of my lunches, dinners, and snacks for the week. It was so nice to focus on school and teaching and know that I had my fancy salad I pre-made or healthy dinner waiting for me. I saved a ton of money, too!

Now, I enjoy cooking and baking healthy food for myself and my family and friends. I surprise myself with what I can whip up with just a few ingredients and some creativity!

Currently, I’ve been getting back into volleyball and I absolutely love it. There’s always some skill or talent we can sharpen in our lives. Let’s not waste a minute! Our future self will be thankful. Plus, God can amaze you with how He’s able to turn your talents into ministry opportunities.

5.) You’re excited for the future!

I think this may be my favorite of all. I believe 30 is a very significant year. Joseph from the Bible was 30 when he became second-in-command over Egypt. Jesus was 30 when He started His public ministry. The world tries to make you afraid of 30, but I believe this is a special time in God’s eyes.

I would say that 30 is a time of both greater confidence and increased humility. Together, confidence and humility create an excitement about what’s ahead. You’re not over-confident about who you are because you’ve been through seasons of humbling, but you’re not insecure about who you are because along with the humbling times, God’s blessed with you times of great growth and dreams fulfilled.

Jesus always leads us to greater and greater knowledge of who He is and that is the foundation for our excitement for the future. He cherishes each season of our lives and celebrates how far we’ve come while also beckoning us on to more glorious things for His honor and praise.

And with Jesus leading the way, you wouldn’t want to rewind and re-live your twenties even if you could. You wouldn’t trade the depth of closeness you have with Jesus for anything. And with Him leading you, you have nothing to fear or regret because you’ll never miss your purpose when you follow after Him.

Whatever age you are, with Jesus, the best is always still yet to be.

If you’ve been to my blog, you know I like to end my posts with a prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank You for Your amazing love for us. I pray that You would bless every person who reads this post. Please bless them with crazy amounts of joy, hope, and grace! Open their eyes to see Your beauty, goodness, and mercy in their lives in ways they have never seen before. Give them whatever they need at this stage in their life and if they’re a twenty-something, I pray that You would give them so much excitement (and peace) about turning 30 one day! Give them Your vision for their futures and give them the willingness and strength to obey You and follow You wherever You lead them. I pray that by the power of the Holy Spirit, they would overflow with hope as they trust in You. I pray that their greatest joy in this life would be found in You alone. I thank You, Jesus, for pursuing their heart and captivating them with Your love. Keep them close to You always. Father, thank You for loving us. Thank You for Your faithfulness yesterday, thank You for your grace and love today, thank You for bright hope for tomorrow. In the powerful, awesome, holy, beautiful, and wonderful Name of Jesus, Amen.

I also want to start ending my posts with praise, too! Here are three songs that have meant a lot to me:

Have a great week, everyone!!

Love always,

Colleen

what do you do?

Hey friends, 

I want to ask you a question: When you're discouraged, what do you do? Do you spiral down in negative thoughts and doubts? Or, do you fight against the current of your feelings to remember God's promises? I just want to remind you that He's so faithful. People, circumstances, expectations will all disappoint now and then. But God never will. He will never fail you. 

So, let's dig deeper here - how you do frame disappointment? From the little things to the big things - when things turn out differently than you had hoped, where do you run? What's your first thought? What's your automatic response? 

For me, it has to be praise. All throughout God's Word we are encouraged to rejoice always, give thanks in all things and count it all joy (yes, JOY!) when we face trials. What would your life look like if every time you were disappointed, every time something you hoped for didn't turn out, every time a situation ended differently than you planned -  instead of feeling sad or upset or discouraged or even apathetic - what would it be like if you turned up the music and praised God with all of your heart for the outcome you didn't ask for and didn't want? What would your life be like if you sang out to God in worship at those times when you'd normally complain or feel sorry for yourself or just wish you'd had known better. What if in those moments you stopped and made the bold decision to praise God for who He is - not for making your life look a certain way? What would it be like if the people in your life saw your praising God through a challenge, an unexpected disappointment, a change in your plans? How would your trust in God impact those around you? 

God is so gracious to us - more than we could ever comprehend. Daily I am amazed by His unending grace towards me and how He showers me with it. I see His grace in the littlest things and the big things concerning me and I am constantly left in awe of this God who cares for my heart with such a passionate fervor and tenderness. He is such a good Father to me and the best thing about my life is living as His daughter knowing that I am His beloved. His love completes me, heals me, fills my heart with joy, enables me to be bold and fearless, and gives me confidence in each season. 

Today I was thinking about a disappointment I faced earlier this month (which I discussed in my earlier post - "my will or Thy will?"). But instead of doing what would be expected, I turned up my praise music and sang out to God with all of my heart. Why? Because I know that God loves me and His will is always that I rejoice and trust Him in all things. I have decided that I will not let anything or anyone steal the song out of my mouth. I will not let circumstances take away my worship of the One I love most, the One I live every breath for. 

Singing to Him is how I remind my heart of who God is and what He's done for me. I was literally crying in church this past Sunday when my pastor asked us to think back on a time in our lives when God carried us. I was reminded of this time exactly a year ago when I faced a huge challenge that was really scary and overwhelming. Unbearable pain, countless doctor appointments, no answers. And God truly carried me through that season. I did not walk. I did not crawl. Y'all, He carried me through that season. CARRIED. There's no other way to describe that time. And as the tears fell remembering that time, I just know that He's got this covered, too.

I sang my way through that season. Through my pain, my questions, my fears, my sorrow. By the way, if you want to see me ugly cry, just put on "In Control" by Hillsong. I listened to that song a million times last fall and it always reminds me of that time. God saw me through that season. I didn't understand why He let me walk through that fire then - and honestly, I still don't really know why here and now. But I know that He used it to make me more like Christ - to care more about those who are suffering in physical pain, to not judge others because you never know what they could be going through, to be generous with my love and belief in the best about others, to consider others' needs, how to walk alongside people when you don't have the nice and neat answers. So many lessons and so much growth through that time.   

Don't forget those times when God's carried you. Don't forget them because His faithfulness in the past is what gives us boldness here in the present to look forward to the future with hope. He doesn't let us go and His plans and His timing are always perfect. Always! 

If you're facing something unexpected and hard, sing to Him. Remind your heart of who He is and who He has promised Himself to be to us. Remember when He's carried you. He's not going to drop you now! He will never, ever fail you. 

If you need a song to get you started, here's the one I was singing today on repeat: 

Know that you are held and carried by the One who loves you more than anyone in all this world: Jesus.

Blessings, 

Colleen

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18