Recently, I suffered through an unnecessary disappointment. I say unnecessary because I kind of felt like God was telling me to make one choice, but then I chose the opposite. It wasn't clear and instead of really seeking God before moving forward, I jumped in. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say, but I proceeded even when I didn't feel God's peace. In this case, I relied on my own understanding, trusted in my own plans, and then, the situation didn't work out. Shocker.
Looking back, I could tell that God was trying to protect me from this disappointment. Through this experience, I learned again (I've learned this lesson before...) that even if something might seem good, that doesn't mean that it is God's best for you. There was nothing wrong about the opportunity in and of itself; it just wasn't what God wanted for me. I think sometimes we can get this idea that every thing that's good - whether it be an open door, relationship, achievement, promotion, etc. - is always from God. And yet going through this experience, I discovered at a deeper level that God's will for us may require us to say no to something that we see as good. That's why we need to walk by faith and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7).
Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart; lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." In this case, I trusted in my own heart and I leaned on my own understanding - and it led to a hurtful place. I pushed past the peace of God and relied on my wisdom and understanding. It led me to a disappointment that God didn't want me to go through. There was a reason for the lack of peace and the confusion - God was speaking to me. Yet I chose to continue.
But you know, what? God's grace has been so inextricably and beautifully evident. So many good things have come from this - too many to count! The most amazing have been the lessons I have learned about God's heart towards me. God doesn't walk away when we get it wrong. No, He runs to us. "There's no shadow You won't light up, mountain You won't climb up, coming after me. There's no wall You won't kick down, lie You won't tear down, coming after me."
When I repented, asking God to forgive me for trusting in my own understanding and, as the Bible says, I drew nearer to God, He drew near to me. He held me as I grieved and walked through this disappointment. He spoke tenderly to my heart and reminded me of His character - that He knows best, that He sees the end from the beginning, that His will for me is always better than my will. Always.
That last part was hard for me because sometimes I really think I know best! Going through this reassured me again that I do not know best. It's humbling, but in our humility, we see the foolishness of relying on ourselves. We are not God and we cannot lead our lives. We need the counsel of the Holy Spirit to lead us. We need Jesus desperately. And that's how God designed life - so that we need Him, stay in constant communion with Him, and grow in our relationship with Him.
I'm writing all of this because I want to encourage you to trust God with the good things that may cross your path. Seek His will in all things. Pray about what He wants you to do. If you feel a check about something, ask God about it and don't proceed (seriously!) if you believe that He's leading you in a different direction. Even if everything looks awesome, don't just say yes because of what you can perceive. God sees everything.
What do you do if you've already started walking down a path you now realize in your heart is not God's will for you? I was just there, my friend. Stop, get on your knees, repent, and pray for God's will to be done in the situation. When you surrender like this, He'll often suddenly interrupt or halt your plans and significantly change your course. And it might hurt. Tears may fall. It could be really hard because He might empty your hands of something. Take heart and rejoice - even in the midst of your pain because God will use this for your good. I promise you. He's that good. He's that good! He takes our mistakes and makes something glorious out of it. I don't know all that ways He does it; I am in awe of God!
Disappointment is absolutely no fun. Not at all. However, seeing God take this and not only bring good things out of it but bring me closer to Him? Well, that's just left me incredibly awed by His infinite wisdom, power, and love.
I've written a prayer if you're walking through something and need to surrender to His plans:
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank You for Your wisdom, power, and love. Thank You for working all things in my life together for my good and for Your glory. I repent if there is any area of my life where I am insisting on my own will over Yours. I ask that Your will would be done in every single area of my life. I realize this is a bold prayer, but I am unafraid because Your Word says that Your will is good, pleasing, and perfect. I may need to say goodbye to some things or some people. I may need to let go. I may be disappointed at first. Please help me to trust Your heart towards me and to be led by Your Holy Spirit. Change my heart and make me desire Your will always above my own. Empower me to obey Your promptings and Your peace. From this day forward, I say "yes" to Your will for me in all things. I look forward to this adventure with you! Be glorified in me! In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Get excited because God's will is best! Take heart, friends and don't get discouraged. God's plans for you will amaze you!
Love always,
Colleen
Matthew 7:11