Hi, friends!
I am writing to encourage all the singles out there and to testify of God’s goodness to me in an unsure season.
I’m 31 and I’ve never been married. I’ve always dreamed about being a wife and a mommy. Yet God’s timing is not my own. If it were up to me, I would have been married by 25 and had little ones by 30! But I have submitted my entire life to Jesus Christ. When I trusted Him to be my Lord and Savior, I surrendered my own lordship and rule over my life. My times are in His hands and He makes everything beautiful in its season.
When this quarantine first started, I’ll be honest, one of my first thoughts was wondering if I had put my professional pursuits before relationships. Is this why I’m still single? You can’t earn a Master’s degree by 29 without singular focus. I was telling a friend recently that I’ve had a laser-like focus with my career. I’m super grateful for how driven I am. I believe God made me this way and I love how He has uniquely shaped my personality! I am a go-getter, totally Type A, and absolutely determined to reach my goals while living with kindness and joy to everyone God puts on my path each day.
But in the midst of a world-wide pandemic, I couldn’t help by wonder if all of this would be easier if I had a husband. Someone to encourage me, help me, calm my fears. Someone to just be there to go to the grocery store with. Face masks and all.
This would all be easier if I was married, right?
Not true.
God has been showing me that I am complete in Him and that He is the One I can lean on, rely on, look to, and run to at all times. During this time, I’ve been going on lots of walks and running a lot, too. I’m thankful for this sunny spring weather. It’s been such a blessing! On my walks, I love to memorize Scripture, pray, and just pour out my heart to God. I’ve felt His presence and love in ways I have never before. He’s been the only One I have to turn to during this time. And it’s been amazing to lean on God like I never have before. He has been my Rock during this time. I always knew He was my Rock, but I’ve never leaned on Him so FULLY than during this time.
Jesus has been so gentle with me during this time. He has pulled me SO close during this time. I have felt so seen and known by Him in a way that I have never felt in my life.
I have to share the ways He has shown His love for me!
-ABUNDANT PROVISION: Early on in the quarantine, I went to the store to get groceries. As I was checking out my groceries in the self-checkout, the machine malfunctioned. A supervisor came over to remedy the situation, but after many attempts (and a lot of time passing), it was still not working. He apologized profusely (and was one of the kindest people ever!) and asked me to move all of my items to a nearby checkout lane. As he was scanning my things, he was so gracious and apologetic. He assured me that he will give me a discount - saying I had to wait over an hour for this to be resolved and it was the right thing to do. When he pressed the total button, he took off $100 from my total! I couldn’t believe it! I even told him that he didn’t have to do it. He was so insistent. I was AMAZED. Nothing like this has every happened to me when I’ve been shopping. I knew it was the Lord’s sweet kindness to me. I don’t need a husband to provide for me. I have a Heavenly Father who created the heavens and the earth and knows everything I need before I ask. He is my Provider.
-PERFECT TIMING: At the start of April, I found an old Bible study from three years ago that I had left unfinished. This is so uncharacteristic of me. I always finish my Bible studies. (I think it’s that AP honor student still in me - ha!) I like to complete what I start. This Bible study has been about the Israelites in the wilderness and how we need to believe God with all of our hearts. It has been just what I needed! I am amazed at God beckoning me to finish the second half of the study (I had exactly half of the study left). He has used this deep study of His Word to revive my heart and restore my soul. I know that He divinely purposed for me to finish it now. And I am so grateful!
-FOREVER FAITHFUL: A couple weeks ago, I found a box of all of my old journals. Re-reading them during this time has been nothing short of life-changing! Remembering the Lord’s faithfulness to me through elementary school, middle school, high school, college, and grad school has been so sweet! It’s also been a convicting process! Reading over my writings of God’s love and faithfulness to me, I realized that we are so prone to forget the beautiful things that the Lord has done for us. I’m very much a “futuristic” person, according to StrengthsFinder. I love to dream and plan for the future. Yet in walking with Jesus, we have to remember what Jesus has done for us! We have to look back and let ourselves be in AWE of the God of all of our days. I’ve found myself on my knees in tears at the recollection of sweet memories I will now treasure more deeply. It’s one thing to remember a season - it’s quite another to see your own handwriting and read your own thoughts from that time. If you do not journal or prayer journal, I cannot encourage you enough to start this! With each entry, you are creating a written history of the faithfulness of God in your life. One day, you will re-discover what you write today and I promise you, it will mean something. Something significant, encouraging, and life-giving. Remembering how the Lord has been with us, loved us, saved us, healed us, restored us, helped us in the past is how we have victory in our battles today. We must stand on the Lord’s faithfulness to us!
-ETERNAL LOVE: This leads me to my final point here (but certainly not my last example). I could sing of His love forever! Having so much alone time with God and experiencing His love in deeper ways than I ever have before has settled my heart so beautifully. Yes, I would love to be married and have little ones right now. But God has deemed that this is NOT that season. And so I rest. I still dream of that day. Wearing a lovely white gown and walking down the aisle to an amazing man of God who loves Jesus with all of his heart. Being a wonderful wife to him. Having little ones call us “Mommy”and “Daddy.” Watching them grow. Helping them learn to read (I cannot wait to teach my future littles how to read one day!). And yet, I trust. God has shown me how intimately involved He is with my life. Again, cue the tears. And suddenly, all my dreams and goals and hopes meld into one desire - I just want to know this God who loves me so much more. Who died for my sins so I could have THIS - this relationship with Him. A relationship that makes my heart cry out more and more: I just want You, God. I just want to know, You. I just want You. You are the One my soul longs for; You are my heart’s desire. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. YOU are the One my soul searches for, my heart longs for. You and You alone.
Friends, let Jesus love you. Especially to all the singles out there - you may be “single” to the world, but you have Jesus on your side. He is with you wherever you go. Let Him love you like never before during this time. Let Him re-direct your heart to Him. Run from anything that tries to distract you from an undivided heart focused on Him. Let your soul behold Him in a way that you never have before. When you do, you will be changed FOREVER.
I still want to be married, but out of this season has come an even greater surrender. I already have the greatest Love I’ll ever know. His name is Jesus. He rejoices over me with singing. He’s promised to never leave or forsake me. When I was messed up in my sin and so broken, He died on a cross to save and redeem me. When I fall, He catches me. When I’m overwhelmed with this world, I run to Him and I’m safe. He calls me His beautiful one. He alone is the only One who has seen every moment of my life - who was there through it all. His love is a love that is better than LIFE itself!
And nothing can separate me from His love.
Jesus - He provides abundantly for me.
Jesus - His timing is so beyond perfect.
Jesus - He is forever faithful.
Jesus - He loves me with an eternal LOVE.
Jesus - He is my heart’s desire.
As a single, there’s no 100% way to know if I’ll ever get married. But if I do, if that’s part of Jesus’ plan for me, I know that I will be a better wife and mommy because of this time with Jesus right now - during the 2020 coronavirus pandemic.
Because of how Jesus met me here.
Resting in His GREAT love and praying He shows you how DEEPLY He loves YOU!
You are so loved by Jesus and me!
Love always,
Colleen