Hey, friends!
I’m writing again on the topic of singleness because God put this on my heart and I’ve heard that it’s been encouraging to several of you. That’s so great! Thanks for reading, friends!
My last post on singleness - “being single during a global pandemic” - was the most popular post from this past month. I pray that what God’s been teaching me will be a blessing and encouragement to you!
God has a purpose for every season of our lives and while the world will tell us this season is a “waiting” season, I believe it can be one of the most beautiful seasons.
I heard a quote recently that says, “Some people could be given an entire field of roses and only see the thorns in it. Others could be given a single weed and only see the wildflower in it. Perception is a key component to gratitude. And gratitude is a key component to joy.”
How are you viewing your singleness? Do you see only the thorns? Or have you discovered how to choose gratitude, and thereby choose joy?
I pray that you choose gratefulness and discover the joy of living life not taking anything for granted, of seeking things to be thankful for each day, each moment.
God has used this quarantine to pull me so close to Him. To someone who’s not a Christian, that may sound so bizarre and strange. But when you know Jesus, He uses the more trying times to show you who He is like You’ve never seen Him. I pray my Christian brothers and sisters are seeing Jesus like you never have before.
When you know Jesus, He constantly wants to draw you nearer to Himself. Every year, you learn more about His character and His goodness. God never stops pursuing your heart. I am in awe of how God never stops pursuing me. His patience is inexhaustible and His kindness is immeasurable.
And His love is incomparable. Truly. I look forward to getting married, but Jesus is more than enough for my heart. Jesus knows me in a way that my future husband can never and will never know me. Only Jesus has been through every season of my life with me. Only Jesus has seen me at worst and seen me at my best. Only Jesus knows how all the pieces of my life fit together. Only Jesus can redeem it all. Only Jesus loves with the purest and most perfect love. I’m never too much for Him. I’m always enough for Him. I’m always His beloved one. How this thrills my heart! The love of Christ is my greatest joy in this life. Nothing surpasses it and nothing could ever be greater!
It’s not that I don’t want to be married - it’s just that I don’t have to be married. I don’t need marriage. I don’t need a future husband. Christ has proven again and again to be my all in all. As a single, I depend on the Lord in ways that many married women don’t have to necessarily. I don’t have a husband to buy me things, drive me places, compliment me, love me, wipe away my tears. But I have Jesus! And, wow! He has shown me not to depend on a man for any of the needs of my heart.
Again, don’t hear what I’m not saying. I’m not saying it’s wrong for those who are married to depend on each other. That’s sacred and precious and absolutely lovely.
What I am saying is that as a single girl I have the joy of putting all of my dependence on Christ with an undivided devotion. A married woman can have complete dependence on Christ, but that undivided devotion is not there because of her devotion to the Lord and to her husband (1 Corinthians 7:34-35).
Part of this devotion to Christ as a single woman is learning how to be obedient to the Lord. I know this sounds so crazy to the world. We’re constantly told that being single is about being free and independent; it’s all very self-centered.
As a daughter of God, I am most free when I am living in joyful obedience to His commands. For the Christian, obedience = freedom and disobedience = bondage.
One way God has been showing me how to grow in freedom over the last several years is to grow in my readiness to submit to Him. I’ll admit I can be pretty strong-willed at times, at least in the past. It’s human nature to trust oneself and think that you know best. And yet, I’ve learned again and again that I do NOT know best. Every time I have chosen my way over God’s, I have regretted it. God’s grace abounds, but looking back I’ve walked through things that God was trying to help me avoid simply because I persisted in my own wisdom instead of submitting to Him.
What does submission to God look like as a single Christian? I submit all of my decisions to Him. I pray to God and ask Him to show me what to do. Many times, He gives me clarity about what He wants me to do and it’s the exact opposite of what I want to do, what I think is best - from my limited perspective. In these moments, I have a choice. Will I choose to do what I think is best or will I submit my will to my Heavenly Father and obey Him? God doesn’t hate us when we choose our own way, but I do think it grieves His heart. Here He is showing us the path to take - confirming it by His Word, His peace, the people He’s put in our lives - and we look at all of this and choose a different path. I know we’ve all been there.
In the moment, it doesn’t seem so consequential, and hindsight, we can say, is 20/20. Of course you can see your error in the rearview mirror, right?
But we shouldn’t wait to see with our eyes before we trust with our heart. We’re told to walk by faith and not sight. It shouldn’t surprise us that following God will require us to indeed walk by faith!
God’s grace covers our missteps. At the same time, as we journey closer and closer to Jesus, and closer and closer to eternity each day, we should be making progress in our submission to the Lord. We should be becoming more and more submissive to His will, loosening the grasping for control we have on our lives more and more, and choosing His will more and more readily - and doing so joyfully!
As a 31 year old, I am more ready to let go of something God tells me to let go of or do something God tells me to do than when I was 25. It’s amazing how learning and re-learning this lesson can create humility in you. I’ve learned to trust Him and not lean on my own understanding time and time again (Proverbs 3:5-6).
God has been teaching me submission, which I know is a huge part of marriage. The wife is commanded to submit to the husband and both are expected to mutually submit to one another. Learning how to submit to God has prepared me for how to submit to my future husband one day. Submitting to God is not easy, but through the power of the Holy Spirit, it is always possible and it can be so full of joy! When a man is submitted to God wholeheartedly, I imagine it’s not difficult to submit to him. Oh, how I pray my future husband has learned how to submit to God, too!
Again, it’s all about our perspective. Submitting to God out of legalism is joy-less and unfruitful. Submitting to God out of trust is beautiful and freeing.
I could write so much more on this topic. I’ll end with a personal challenge to you. Is there anything you feel like God is asking you to submit to Him? Is there anything in your life where you see that you are insisting on your will over God’s will? Has your singleness become about getting God to submit to your plan or have you submitted your singleness - truly surrendered - to God’s plan?
Can I encourage you to follow the Lord, wherever and whatever He may be speaking to your heart? You’ll never regret obeying the Lord. It’s not popular. It’s not always easy. It doesn’t always make sense in the moment. Sometimes it takes many seasons to realize the importance of our obedience. Sometimes we may never fully understand.
But I promise you this. You will never regret obeying the Lord. You will never regret choosing His ways. They are beautiful, full of life, and peaceful.
And most beautiful and amazing of all, they always lead you closer to Him. With Jesus, you’ll find that the roses always outweigh the thorns. His love outshines everything else.
Know that you’re so loved by Jesus and by me!
Love always,
Colleen