“What if I’m a loving God?”
The question gripped my heart as I drove through the night. A recent devastation and another upcoming disappointment on the horizon were presently tangling my heart into a huge mess.
Through the darkness, tears, and prayers, God’s voice came to my heart: “What if I’m a loving God?”
I was immediately convicted. What if my circumstances currently crushing me weren’t reasons to question or distrust God, but to pull me into greater trust in my Heavenly Father? To trust His plan in how things were working out in my life even when that meant that my plans had to completely fall apart.
That question was all it took for a spark of hope to ignite in my soul.
I always believed that God was loving. I knew that in my head and my heart. And yet when my version of how life should be wasn’t unfolding, it shook me. Life seemed more like a nightmare than a bad dream. It didn’t just feel like my plans failed but that my life was shattered.
But what if all of this was precisely because God loved me? Loved me enough to not let me get my way, to get second-best, to settle for my meager plans over His majestic ones.
What if God was showing His greatest love to me by not letting me have what I thought I wanted? What if I needed this breaking? What if His mercy was wrapped up in my disappointments and devastations? What if He’s a loving God?
I know that God is loving so I know that this is true: God’s plans for me, although mysterious and challenging to discern at times, are always wrapped in love. So when His plan is different than mine, instead of questioning Him, I can trust that He sees something greater than I can, He knows more than I know, His purposes are greater than mine.
I recently heard the testimony of a woman whose plans fell apart so that God’s plans could fall into place. For almost ten years, she and her husband had battled infertility and suffered several devastating miscarriages. Through it all, they held onto their faith in the Lord, trusting in His plan in their deepest pain. Eventually, God opened both of their hearts to adoption. Because of friends they had living in Ukraine, they decided to pursue an international adoption of two brothers from that country. Their adoption was finalized almost a year to the day before the invasion of Ukraine started. All that woman had wanted was to be a mom. That was her plan. It was a beautiful plan. Yet God’s plan was to rescue two orphan brothers from an upcoming war. His plan was infinitely greater. His plan was best.
I don’t have all the answers for the pain and suffering in this world. I won’t try to tell you why that bad thing was allowed to happen to you. But I do know this: It’s never the end of our stories. God’s not done. He’s still writing. Let’s trust Him with the pages that seem blank and unknown to us, a future that's not ours to see yet. There is One in Heaven who sees it all and He’s writing a story - for our good, His glory, and the saving of others’ lives.
Heavenly Father, Thank You for being my Loving God. Even in the twists and turns of my story, I know that it’s all covered in Your love and mercy. I trust You to write the best story. Give me faith like a child and joyful expectation in You alone. Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done. May my story bring You glory in every way. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.